Through this journey of life..I often wonder what kind of person it has made me..
Like everyone I started as the good kid off the block but the actions and conducts draped with ego and misplaced sets of principles has made me a bad person. If I ask people narrowed down to my friends and families..all will say quite synchronously..”No he is a good Guy”..But I know the truth.
Evilness comes in various shapes and sizes quite often like a venomous snake..sneaking under the covers and biting you at the precise moment of your unawareness..and that is the type of evil snake I have become. Beneath the tardy cloak of goodness lies a much tough and impenetrable jacket of evilness.
People most often wouldn’t care writing their own eulogy and that maybe makes me fall into a better class of evil. But none is born evil..it is one of those superb characteristic of our mother’s womb that quite miraculously shields us from this fascinating negativity! You see evilness is created..monsters are raised..devils are sculpted.
Obviously my childhood wasn’t a tale of a prince. But it wasn’t very bad either. But in this era of economics and profits and technology no one gives a damn about the pieces which when arranged together like a puzzle would give a very dull picture of your useless tale! People like stories which touch the subtleties of hardships,pain,failures and exploitation and god I have bunch of them.
My parents are wonderful people and you know that I am speaking the truth. They tried to tend to my basic necessities but they too afterall aren’t gods. Many of their decisions needed me to make sacrifice.What are they? oh you wouldn’t be interested in that. But those sacrifices made me.I wrapped my insecurities in my introversion…never letting anyone to even to poke this gigantic bubble. This was the reason why I was too happy when they decided to send me to a far-off place for my higher studies.
Every evil person has a certain weak point and I am no exception to it. I care for people. When and how it germinated inside me,I have no clue. Yes,I care for people. A person who always has a solution to problems. My evilness hit its lowest point when I offered my shoulder to let people cry upon. Ah,those stains..they just refuse to go. And what it gave me? nothing. I ain’t a philanthropist. I want people to acknowledge my helping hand. But they just..don’t. I owe them for they are the catalyst in my process of being evil.
I never saw love in my home. Yes..love…it was supposed to enter this memoir as a third dimension. I can’t express love..but still I have loved. And it has only rendered me hopeless and defeated. I have sacrificed my love and one particular girl…everytime when I see her…reminds of my failure. These depressive sorts…the more you run from them,the more out of breath you feel. People expect you to make compromises..well thank you, very much!..oh how I despise these “couples” knowing I am never gonna be one like them!
The experiences you face in life mould you. People look upto me when they want to get entertained but no one bothers to even call me up and say “hey!” I guess being a loner is a prerequisite of evilness.
So there you are…oblivious of a happy childhood…berated in love and a pinch of loneliness has made me a cold,calculative,unpredictable evil..I am that river which once tried to flow with care, love and emotions but now has become all frozen..frozen by all this evilness.
Through this journey of life…I often wonder what kind of person it has made me…
Guess..You have got your answer by now!