EVIL…

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Through this journey of life..I often wonder what kind of person it has made me..

Like everyone I started as the good kid off the block but the actions and conducts draped with ego and misplaced sets of principles has made me a bad person. If I ask people narrowed down to my friends and families..all will say quite synchronously..”No he is a good Guy”..But I know the truth.

Evilness comes in various shapes and sizes quite often like a venomous snake..sneaking under the covers and biting you at the precise moment of your unawareness..and that is the type of evil snake I have become. Beneath the tardy cloak of goodness lies a much tough and impenetrable jacket of evilness.

People most often wouldn’t care writing their own eulogy and that maybe makes me fall into a better class of evil. But none is born evil..it is one of those superb characteristic of our mother’s womb that quite miraculously shields us from this fascinating negativity! You see evilness is created..monsters are raised..devils are sculpted.

Obviously my childhood wasn’t a tale of a prince. But it wasn’t very bad either. But in this era of economics and profits and technology no one gives a damn about the pieces which when arranged together like a puzzle would give a very dull picture of your useless tale! People like stories which touch the subtleties of hardships,pain,failures and exploitation and god I have bunch of them.

My parents are wonderful people and you know that I am speaking the truth. They tried to tend to my basic necessities but they too afterall aren’t gods. Many of their decisions needed me to make sacrifice.What are they? oh you wouldn’t be interested in that. But those sacrifices made me.I wrapped  my insecurities in my introversion…never letting anyone to even to poke this gigantic bubble. This was the reason why I was too happy when they decided to send me to a far-off place for my higher studies.

Every evil person has a certain weak point and I am no exception to it. I care for people. When and how it germinated inside me,I have no clue. Yes,I care for people. A person who always has a solution to problems. My evilness hit its lowest point when I offered my shoulder to let people cry upon. Ah,those stains..they just refuse to go. And what it gave me? nothing. I ain’t a philanthropist. I want people to acknowledge my helping hand. But they just..don’t. I owe them for they are the catalyst in my process of being evil.

I never saw love in my home. Yes..love…it was supposed to enter this memoir as a third dimension. I can’t express love..but still I have loved. And it has only rendered me hopeless and defeated. I have sacrificed my love and one particular girl…everytime when I see her…reminds of my failure. These depressive sorts…the more you run from them,the more out of breath you feel. People expect you to make compromises..well thank you, very much!..oh how I despise these “couples” knowing I am never gonna be one like them!

The experiences you face in life mould you. People look upto me when they want to get entertained but no one bothers to even call me up and say “hey!” I guess being a loner is a prerequisite of evilness.

So there you are…oblivious of a happy childhood…berated in love and a pinch of loneliness has made me a cold,calculative,unpredictable evil..I am that river which once tried to flow with care, love and emotions but now has become all frozen..frozen by all this evilness.

Through this journey of life…I often wonder what kind of person it has made me…

Guess..You have got your answer by now!

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BESTOW THOU LOVE…My DEAR SOCIETY!

If someone has lived in India or have been in any way associated with this great nation,they must be well acquainted with “Bollywood“. We are emotionally and obsessively bonded to our colourful cinema industry.It isn’t shocking to see people actually believing in the stories that is potrayed on the 70mm screen,indeed!

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Quite often I wonder the way “love” and “romance” is portrayed in Indian films. The crux of every movie lies in:

Two people coming together..falling in love..their parents objecting..their mission to impress the parents and Bam! the elders get convinced and before you know..the movie has offered you a ‘Happy Ending’!

But does that really happen? How accurate is this magnanimous portrayal of love?

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I can’t help but relate two incidents that happened with two women quite intimate to me:

The First incident is of a girl who is academically very gifted and has quite often made me feel that she stands on the pedestal of ‘women empowerment and independence’. Anyway,she falls in love with a French guy.Such deep-seated their love becomes that they start thinking about marriage.Alas,the love “waves” hit solid rocks when the girl’s parents come to know about this.The parents of the girl were considered by many as post-modern for letting their daughter study and support her through every desires of hers. Hardly did the poor lady know that her desires came with limitations. She was not allowed to love and marry. She tried convincing her parents but to no effect. Somehow “foreigners”  are not to be trusted when it comes to marriage.The melodramas weren’t a surprise. Tears flowed from both the sides. The girl’s father refused to talk stating how she had made her parents’ heads go deep into the ground in front of the ever-judging “society”. Months passed…things did cool down a bit. But the relationship between the girl and her parents soured. The cold-blood between them became inevitable

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Next incident is of this girl who fell for a boy who was not “international” like the former one..but belonged to a different caste which according to our society is an “alien” concept (21st century,Who Cares?!). Now, the most amazing thing about this scenario was her brother-in-law who came to know of this little secret of hers.What followed next was even more disgusting. He blackmailed to break this secret to her parents and virtually end her truly bright career. Sadly, the accusations made on the poor,beautiful girl’s “purity” and “dignity” proved too much.She eventually had to break-up with the guy rendering her heartbroken and traumatized.

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These cases I experienced had a great impact on me.I either directly or indirectly got involved in both of them.Sadly enough no bollywood movie tries and explore this dark side of our society. No,doesn’t even come close to it! Its a bitter reality that we still are living in this modern post-independent world without breaking the shell of our age-old dogmas. We try to inculcate modernism superficially.We brag about women-empowerment by quoting examples of the likes of Kalpana Chawla,Saina Nehwal etc. but deep down we are sexist where a guy goofing around with women is termed “stud” while a girl doing so is easily termed a “s**t“.

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I don’t need to preach about what is right and what not..what should be done and what shouldn’t be…that’s the “spiritual gurus” department! What I really want to say is that I “salute” the enthusiasm of the orthodox society of ours who are carrying the baton of “moral values” and “self-righteous” for others to follow. Kudos to them!   

I hope we keep on mocking the essence of love with the filth of obnoxious and preposterous customs and believes. Afterall when we have “moral guardians” to guide us then emotion and compassion hardly hold any relevance. And as it is, who can carry “love” and “labour” for it when it is already a “lost” battle!

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